Operation: MapleVodka
by SovietChick
Summary: A little crackfic/drabble to celebrate the birthday of everyone's favorite Canadian. Warning: Contains extremely crack theories.


**Operation MapleVodka**

The date was July 1st, 2012.

In other words, it was independence day for the great nation of Canada, a reminder that 145 years ago, they finally gained sovereignty...

But for Mathew Williams, it simply meant it was his birthday.

He had been looking forward to this day for weeks, although he never actually expected any well wishes from his family. America was much too excited for his own birthday a few days away, he was lucky if England recognized him on a good day, and eventually France would remember to send a bottle of vintage wine over the mail a month or two later. But Canada didn't mind.

Honestly, he was looking forward to spending the day in bed, lazing about the house doing nothing…

So he was surprised and more than a little upset when he heard someone ringing his doorbell over and over again.

"O-one moment!" he cried, falling out of his soft, soft bed, casting it a few wistful glances as he stumbled to the front door. But it seemed his visitor was getting too impatient with his slow footsteps and forcefully threw open the (unfortunately) unlocked door, nearly smacking Canada square in the face. The second largest nation simply stared, dumbfounded, as his brother stomped into his house, ranting so loud it hurt his ears.

"Al-alfred! Talk slower, I can't understand what you're saying." Mathew shouted at the top of his quiet voice, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. Why did America suddenly barge in like this? Although they were on pretty good terms (diplomatically speaking), America was usually too wrapped up in his own business to talk to his shy little twin. Maybe… It seemed extremely doubtful, but… Did he actually come to wish him a happy birthday?

Mattie's incredulous hope was quashed as he finally began to understand what his southern neighbor was raving about.

"Mattie, you won't believe it! One of the guys in my Congress was talking to me, and he thinks that you and that Commie Bastard are going to take me over!" Alfred grabbed his brother by the shoulders, shaking him violently as he ranted. "Come on bro, you can't team with that stupid faced, ugly, giant, big nosed, communist-"

As America insulted his least favorite nation, Mathew's mind was frantically racing at the sudden accusations. What was he talking about? I-it made no sense at all!

"Alfred, calm down!" Canada, managing to slip out of his grip before he was shaken to death, lead the other man over to the couch and gently pushed him onto the soft cushions. "I have no idea what you're talking about! Start at the beginning." He sat next to him, gently rubbing the other's arm in an attempt to pacify his wild behavior. America still seemed overexcited, but he slowly took several deep breaths, letting himself be calmed by the soothing tone in the Canadian's voice. It took several minutes of comforting until he finally told the whole story.

"Well, I was hanging out in DC, in the Library of Congress, kay? I don't go there much 'cause it's a major snoozefest, but the pres' was busy and I was reaaally bored. So I was just chillin' out, drinking Coke and reading Captain America comics when this dude came up and started talkin' to me. He was like, really nervous looking so I was like, 'Yo, chill out dude! What do you gotta tell me?' Turns out, it was some political theorist dude who had this super important idea he wanted to tell me. And he said that you and Russia had teamed up and you guys were gonna take me over!" He cast his brother a look somewhere between depression and suspicion. Mathew merely stared, violet eyes wide in shock.

"B-b-but I haven't even talked to Russia before!" he countered, beyond confused. "W-what else did he tell you?"

"Well, the dude said a couple years ago you and the commie got together and made a super secret agreement to take me down! He said it was called Operation MapleVodka, or something stupid like that. And then the dude was all like: 'The first stage was their operation was the military takeover of Alaska so they may better unite their resources. This stage was over relatively quickly due to the Alaskan's growing isolationism from their home country.' But that's a lie, 'cause me and Alaska are totally tight! We were hanging out last weekend downing shots and everything! And then he said that after you guys got all your weapons together, some sleeper agent in Alaska said the code word over TV so they could start the second phase of the operation. The dude said it was something like, 'I can see Russia from my house', or something along those lines.

"Okay, so after that spy or something said the codeword, all of the sleeper agents in the US started the second phase of the invasion. The theorist dude said the second phase was to make apps for iPhones and other stuff like that so all of us Americans were too distracted to notice the invasion! And he was like, 'Some of the best examples of these apps are the Angry Birds app, Fruit Slicer, and Facebook.' He told me this phase was almost done, too! And when the phase was over, he said you and the Commie Bastard would take over America!"

He shot another hugely disappointed and hurt look to his brother, who was merely listening to the tirade with an expression of pure and utter shock.

"Then the dude said that after America was gone, you guys would announce that you combined Canada and Russia together to make the country of RusCan! Stupid name, right? He was telling me that since I was already gone all of the other nations would just surrender like the wusses they are so that the only countries left would be RusCan, Switzerland, and something called Sealand. What the hell is a Sealand? But anyway, how could you do that to me, Mattie! That sucks so harrrrd!"

With that, he stared at his brother with an look of betrayal written all over his face.

"…"

Canada had no idea what to say.

For a long time, they merely sat there in a part accusatory, part stunned silence. The only sound in the room was the quiet spinning of fanblades overhead...

"Alfred… You actually believed him?" Mathew stared at his twin, tears rising in his large violet eyes. "I-I can't believe it! Wh-why would y-you suddenly turn on me like this?" It was America's turn to be shocked as he saw the man wipe the tears streaming down his face with the sleeve of his pajamas. "Y-you know I'm terrified of Russia! Why would I have any reason to invade you? You're my twin **brother**!" His tremulous voice broke on the last word as he buried his face into a nearby pillow, sobbing miserably into it.

"Uh…. M-mattie?" The American hesitantly reached over and touched his brother's back, feeling a sudden surge of regret. "I mean, of course I didn't believe him!" he bluffed. " The dude was totally bonkers, yo! I threw him on his ass then called the cops! You wouldn't ever try to take me over!" Canada sniffed, glancing back at his brother with tear filled eyes.

"Y-you really think that…?" he asked, quiet voice shaking. America nodded so quickly his blonde head moved in a blur.

"Course dude! I'm sorry I told ya all this… I didn't mean to make you cry, man…" He stared down at his feet, but Canada shot him a small smile, reaching over and hugging his brother.

"It's okay." He murmured. "I forgive you... Just as long as you don't go around telling crazy stories like that, eh?" America beamed, jumping up with a relieved grin stretched across his face.

"No problem! That's a hero's promise! See yah later, Mattie!"

With that he jumped up and raced out of the house, happy to have comforted his little brother. Canada sat there for a moment, breathing a sigh of relief.

"The crying was a bit overdramatic."

Despite the tears fresh on his face, Mathew glanced back and shot a happy smile at the Russian emerging from the bedroom, wearing nothing but a blanket wrapped around his waist.

"What are you talking about, eh? I thought it was good." He smiled a bit wider in satisfaction as he wiped said tears out of his eyes, rising from the couch to approach the large man.

"Can you believe one of those stupid Americans actually found us out? Good thing you're brother's too thick headed to believe him, da?"

Mathew laughed at that, reaching up and wrapping his arms tightly around Ivan's neck, smile becoming somewhat sinful as he stared into the man's similarly colored eyes.

"I know! For a minute there, I was honestly scared!" He chuckled. "Good thing Arthur dropped him on the head when we were kids."

Russia returned the man's sultry smirk, leaning down and whispering in his ear, strong arms snaking around his thin waist.

"Hmm…. All this talk of that capitalist pig is boring me~ Why don't we go back to the bedroom and finish becoming one?"

Canada shivered despite the warmth of Ivan's skin, despite the heat flooding to his face at the other's touch.

"I thought you'd never ask." 

Needless to say, Canada's 145th birthday (give or take a few years) was a pretty good one. 

* * *

><p>Happy Birthday Mathew Williams!<p>

This is deticated to every Canadian and every wannabe Canadian out there. Oh, Canada~

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, the countries of Canada, Russia, and America, Captian America (or any other Marvel comics), or Coca Cola.

I hope you enjoyed the story!

And yes, I really do believe this Operation is real.

Think about it.


End file.
